Tag Archives: acoa

Roles and Relationships

One of the interesting things about working with adults raised by emotionally absent parents is that they form the foundation for the next generation, unless the adult child does something to change their way of being in the world.  And … Continue reading

Posted in adult children, Louise Behiel | Tagged , , | 24 Comments

Big Families and Small Ones: What About the Roles?

Over the last four weeks we have examined the four roles children assume when they are raised in a home with an emotionally absent parent.  Psychology seems to have a predilection for models of four; in this case the hero, … Continue reading

Posted in adult children, healing, Louise Behiel, recovery, self help | Tagged , , , , | 28 Comments

The Mascot: Using Humor to Cover Pain

The last of the four roles is the Mascot.  As mentioned, this learned behavior uses humor and fun to offset the stress of the family situation.  It looks like fun but all is not happiness and roses, for the humor … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, adult children, child abuse, healing, Louise Behiel, recovery, self help | Tagged , , , , , | 20 Comments

The Lost Child: Invisible and Unheard

The third of the four roles is the Lost Child.  Remember, in a family with an emotionally absent parent, the other parent is focused on the ‘missing’ one.  So no one is focused on the children.  As a result of … Continue reading

Posted in adult children, Louise Behiel, recovery, self help | Tagged , , , , | 53 Comments

Rebels and Scapegoats: How do They Heal?

The second role in this discussion is the rebel, discussed in some detail here.  But there is another point of view about the role of this troubled child and that is that they play the scapegoat for the family. From … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, adult children, Louise Behiel, rebel | Tagged , , , , , | 24 Comments

The Problem Child – It’s Not All Bad

In every family with an emotionally absent parent, the children learn and adopt one of four roles to deal with the stress and tension in the family.  These roles are the hero, rebel or scapegoat, mascot and lost child. The … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, adult children, child abuse, Louise Behiel, self help | Tagged , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

The Family Hero – It’s Not All Good

The Hero or Responsible Child is the first of the learned behaviors of children who grow up with an emotionally absent parent.  When one parent is not providing emotional support to the family and the other parent is focused on … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, adult children, child abuse, healing, Louise Behiel, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , | 50 Comments

How Children Cope – 4 Learned Roles for Stress Management

Many decades ago, counselors saw an interesting outcome from treatment of alcoholics (most of whom were male):  their clients seemed to do better when the spouse attended a week of treatment geared specifically for them.  Proven repeatedly, the conclusion was clear:  when … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, adult children, Louise Behiel | Tagged , , , | 17 Comments