Category Archives: self help

3.5 Steps to Lasting Personal Change

Over the past few months, this blog has explored the roles, rules and characteristics of children raised in emotionally barren families.  We’ve talked about your personal lives, families, friends and characters.  But one constant has been the question: “Okay, that’s … Continue reading

Posted in ACOA, healing, Louise Behiel, recovery, self help | Tagged , , , , | 44 Comments

The Most Common Characteristics of Adult Children

The next three characteristics are common in all the roles.  In fact, I think they’re common in all people – well everyone I know, especially the last two. Overreact to changes over which they have no control. Constantly seek approval … Continue reading

Posted in ACOA, adult children, healing, Louise Behiel, recovery, self help | Tagged , , , | 19 Comments

Three More Characteristics of Children from Troubled Families

As mentioned before, these characteristics first evolved from work with adult children of alcoholics but have now been generalized to anyone raised in an emotionally barren family. In the last two posts we discussed characteristics 1 – 4.  Today we’ll … Continue reading

Posted in ACOA, adult children, Louise Behiel, recovery, self help | Tagged , , , , | 18 Comments

Relationship and Rules

As discussed Monday, children raised in emotionally empty homes grow up with three rules: Don’t talk Don’t trust Don’t Feel. It is also true, as mentioned by Lisa Hall Wilson, that living by these rules can be caused by bullying … Continue reading

Posted in adult children, Louise Behiel, self help | Tagged , , , | 14 Comments

From 4 Roles to 3 Rules

Parents are emotionally unavailable because of an issue in their life which the spouse wants resolved.  For example, a mother works full time plus.  She is successful in her job but works nienty hours a week.  Everyone wants to see … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, adult children, child abuse, healing, Louise Behiel, self help | Tagged , , | 37 Comments

Big Families and Small Ones: What About the Roles?

Over the last four weeks we have examined the four roles children assume when they are raised in a home with an emotionally absent parent.  Psychology seems to have a predilection for models of four; in this case the hero, … Continue reading

Posted in adult children, healing, Louise Behiel, recovery, self help | Tagged , , , , | 28 Comments

The Mascot: Using Humor to Cover Pain

The last of the four roles is the Mascot.  As mentioned, this learned behavior uses humor and fun to offset the stress of the family situation.  It looks like fun but all is not happiness and roses, for the humor … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, adult children, child abuse, healing, Louise Behiel, recovery, self help | Tagged , , , , , | 20 Comments

The Mascot: It’s Not all Fun and Games

The last of the four roles to discuss is “The Mascot”. This role is usually taken on by one of the two youngest children in a home with an emotionally absent parent. When confronted with the stress in the family, … Continue reading

Posted in adult children, Louise Behiel, recovery, self help | Tagged , , | 28 Comments

The Lost Child: Finding The Way Back from Emptiness

A family where the parents are emotionally absent (whatever the reasons) leaves the children to fend for themselves emotionally.  In learning to cope in a difficult situation with a child’s maturity and knowledge, the siblings often adopt one of four … Continue reading

Posted in adult children, child abuse, healing, Louise Behiel, recovery, self help | Tagged , , , , , , | 21 Comments

The Lost Child: Invisible and Unheard

The third of the four roles is the Lost Child.  Remember, in a family with an emotionally absent parent, the other parent is focused on the ‘missing’ one.  So no one is focused on the children.  As a result of … Continue reading

Posted in adult children, Louise Behiel, recovery, self help | Tagged , , , , | 53 Comments