Category Archives: Abuse

How Deep are the Scars of Abuse?

A number of people have contacted me  over the past few months, wanting to talk about their victimization. These emails describe a wide range of feelings, reactions and heartbreak. For adults who were abused as children, the emotional outcome is … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, adult children, Louise Behiel | Tagged , , , , | 29 Comments

4 Stages of Healing from Childhood Abuse

Over the years, I have worked with many victims of abuse, women or men who were abused in childhood (I do not work with children).  Sometimes the abuse consisted of neglect; often it was physical, and emotional.  For many, it … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, healing, Louise Behiel, recovery | Tagged , , , | 33 Comments

The Last 3 Characteristics of Adult Children

We have reached the last 3 characteristics of adults raised in emotionally barren families. 1. Are super responsible or super irresponsible. 2. Are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved. 3. Are impulsive. They … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, ACOA, adult children, Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholism, child abuse, Louise Behiel, Resolutions | Tagged , , , | 48 Comments

From 4 Roles to 3 Rules

Parents are emotionally unavailable because of an issue in their life which the spouse wants resolved.  For example, a mother works full time plus.  She is successful in her job but works nienty hours a week.  Everyone wants to see … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, adult children, child abuse, healing, Louise Behiel, self help | Tagged , , | 37 Comments

The Mascot: Using Humor to Cover Pain

The last of the four roles is the Mascot.  As mentioned, this learned behavior uses humor and fun to offset the stress of the family situation.  It looks like fun but all is not happiness and roses, for the humor … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, adult children, child abuse, healing, Louise Behiel, recovery, self help | Tagged , , , , , | 20 Comments

Rebels and Scapegoats: How do They Heal?

The second role in this discussion is the rebel, discussed in some detail here.  But there is another point of view about the role of this troubled child and that is that they play the scapegoat for the family. From … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, adult children, Louise Behiel, rebel | Tagged , , , , , | 24 Comments

The Problem Child – It’s Not All Bad

In every family with an emotionally absent parent, the children learn and adopt one of four roles to deal with the stress and tension in the family.  These roles are the hero, rebel or scapegoat, mascot and lost child. The … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, adult children, child abuse, Louise Behiel, self help | Tagged , , , , , , , | 25 Comments

The Family Hero – It’s Not All Good

The Hero or Responsible Child is the first of the learned behaviors of children who grow up with an emotionally absent parent.  When one parent is not providing emotional support to the family and the other parent is focused on … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, adult children, child abuse, healing, Louise Behiel, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , | 50 Comments

How Children Cope – 4 Learned Roles for Stress Management

Many decades ago, counselors saw an interesting outcome from treatment of alcoholics (most of whom were male):  their clients seemed to do better when the spouse attended a week of treatment geared specifically for them.  Proven repeatedly, the conclusion was clear:  when … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, adult children, Louise Behiel | Tagged , , , | 17 Comments

9 Steps to Finding a Therapist

If you have decided that your life could be enhanced, then perhaps you’ve decided to find a therapist.  One of the questions I’m asked most often is “How do I find a good therapist?” Isn’t it ironic that finding a … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Louise Behiel | Tagged , , , | 13 Comments